Why do we feel self conscious?

Dedicated to a special friend of mine. I am writing this blog only because of his support and insistence or else I am a lazy person like him. :-)

Why do we feel self conscious?

Are we not intelligent? Are we not capable? Are we not good looking? Or do we feel that others are better than us.

Well that’s true in a way. It is very hard, almost close to not possible for each of us to become masters at everything. Also we must remember that we are definitely better than these so called others at some things like music, literature, politics etc. However, we still feel that our talents are not up to the mark. They are not worth mentioning. It maybe because others did not appreciate us enough or made us feel low. The only way to arise above a situation like this is to harpen that skill of ours and make others take a notice of that. If we do not force it, no one else will.

I used to be so self conscious that I am not good at anything. I don't how it started but in school, I started to avoid taking part in competition and stay in the background. I was full of awe of other fellow mates who took part in essay writing, oratorical and other literary competition. It was pure by chance that my name was given for a poetry recitation competition in sixth grade. Tried my level best to take my name out but was compelled to go through it for sake of my team house in school. So then I started practicing day and night. The poem was about how an Indian war hero fought for his motherland. My sisters and parents helped me practice and explained me how to show emotions in voice and action. I practiced for a whole week before the day of competition. With butterfly in my stomach, I walked up the dias when my name was called. Standing in front of the mike (my first time), I looked at the students from grade 6, 7, and 8 and my teachers. I started to smile. My teacher returned my smile and motioned me to start. Not sure, if they could see my nervousness or not, I started to smile even more and looked towards the students. My classmates cheered me. I was so happy that I started to laugh. It was almost like chain reaction, students started to laugh and then me and then the teachers. The situation is so funny now but at that time it was a commotion inside the auditorium and I could not utter a word. Finally a teacher came up and asked me to gather myself and called the next student to do the recital. I noticed them; with what ease they did their recitation. At last, I was called to give my recitation. I started to smile but thanked the teachers who gave me the second chance. Because other students just did a recital and did not use any action, I also chose not to do any of my action which I had practiced. You see I did not want anybody to laugh at me. That’s where I went wrong. I did win the third place for my recitation. But because of my nervousness, and creating a scene by laughing; and not doing the recital with action (the way I had practiced); I lost the chance to win the second or the first place. The thing, I learnt from that day is not to worry what others think of you. Even if they laugh at you today, they will forget it next day. But winning a competition is not something that happens everyday. So give it your best.

You think I stopped being self conscious from that onwards.
NO !!!

This one incident let me believe in myself for some days but after a few months I was back to feeling self conscious and low. This was sweet incident in my life and I will always cherish that. It helped in a way but not completely. The complex that I built within myself over the years, did not disappear in a day. But it eventually faded with time. I will tell how in my next blog.

Till then cheers and look out for me.